What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 11:45
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
When she asked me how she looked .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I waited trembling.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
He resisted the act ,that day.
What should I do if a girl whom I love asks me to be her friend?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
What is the meanest thing your husband has said to you?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
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She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Ive learnt so much.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Why does a lot of the YouTube community support the MGTOW movement?
I was 9 years of age.
I write beautiful poetry .
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Put me off passion for life!!
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why do wives cheat with black guys?
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What are some creepy bestiality-promoting questions obviously asked for sexual gratification?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
All the time i was locked up.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Why is Russia always right? All eyes toward Russian glory!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Why do some men want to have anal sex with women?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But ive been too sick for many years..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What did i know ?
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
My family never makes their pension either.
She was in good health!
My life is so biszare .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
This is soul school!.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So whats the point in blame.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Was to survive, this bastard.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I was scared of men, in general
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One cannot live in the past .
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
(And it was in our own minds.)
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Would this be the day?
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Who then, do I blame.?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I don,t even have a pension.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She loved him until the end.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I will be 64.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But it wasn’t much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was seconnd youngest,
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
We all went to grammer schools
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
So, i spoilt her more .
She married twice! .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why did i forgive my father ?
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I was very sick at this time too.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
She found it foreign!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Im still living with it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Especially a lifetime of it.
I have no regrets .
He knew the spot.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I never cut or harmed myself..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Comes on , in middle age.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
We were not on the streets..
She wouldn,t have been !
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
But, we were locked up after school.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I said to her
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
It was going to be , some day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
And i lived it daily.